Just Can’t Get You Outta My Head

Since moving back to Utah, I have been struggling with my inability to be myself. In Evansville, Indiana (even though it is located in the Bible Belt) I could be myself 100% of the time. My boyfriend and I could hold hands, I could check out a piece of sexy man ass, and I could do all of those other non-gay things that make up who I am. In Utah, and especially in the ultra-conservative Cedar Hills, I don’t feel comfortable being myself. This has caused a kind of haze to wash over me. If I can’t be myself, then who can I be? 

At the height of my insecurities, I was invited out by two of my good friends from high school who I haven’t seen in quite a long time. I was ecstatic! The haze lifted, I was able to go out and have fun with my friends, as I have done many times before. We had a great time. After dropping Natalie off at the apartment she was staying at in Provo, something terrible, shocking, horrendous, repulsive–and many other words–happened. A group of BYU students drove up next to my car on I-15 and shouted, “QUEERS!”. They continued to drive next to me and shout things even when I slowed down and sped up. Luckily, they got bored soon when I gave them no reaction (mostly because I was so shocked) and sped off down the interstate.

It outraged me. I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about is the type of person who would do such a thing. A BYU student. A person who has been proclaimed Christ-like by not only themselves, but by their Bishop and Stake President. A person that is receiving an education so subsidized by their “loving” religion’s church that tuition is under $3000 per year. A person whose parents and peers set an example for the type of behavior that is acceptable. 

Okay, so I didn’t feel comfortable being completely myself in Utah. Now I don’t even feel safe. “Based on FBI data, a homosexual is about 850 times more likely to be the victim of a hate crime motivated by his/her sexual orientation than is a heterosexual”(source). And hate crime rates associated with LGBTQ people in Utah are higher than in most states. So are LGBTQ youth suicide rates. I have always known these statistics, however vaguely, but they never struck home until I experienced the lack of safety for myself. Suddenly I was scared to walk home from work at 10pm on a busy and well-lit street. They say words can’t harm, and it’s true–the word “queers” does not affect me at all. It is the implication behind the word and the situation in which it was used. 

Well, the haze came back, but this time it was more of a thick fog. I have to do something about it. I can’t get the incident out of my mind, the gleeful looks on the passengers’ faces. So I’m going to make a list. Lists always help my mom, and every time I get stressed out, she tells me to make a list. I just roll my eyes usually, but this time I’m going to give it a shot. Because short of running to D.C. and passing a law (AKA reiterating what the Constitution already says) it’s all I can really do. So to take my mind off of people that hate me because of their ignorance, here is my list of all the people I know that love and support me because they know me:

Mom
Dad
Josh
Tom
Peighton
Jackie
Dan
Alan
Anya
Latasia
Natalie
Abby
Donna
Tim
Willouese
Ernie
Roy
Yvonne
Bonnie
Larry
Andrea
TWITguild members
Katie

I’m a Gaymer, and That’s OK.

Gamers get a bad wrap.

From pop culture to parents everywhere, gamers are represented by an almost singular, degrading stereotype. Fat, ugly, glasses, poor hygiene, little to no social skills, rage-filled: these are the characteristics that make up the gamer archetype. The problem with this stereotype is that – in my experience – very few gamers actually fulfill these requirements.

In my experience, gamers make up a community that is not only tightly knit, but nice, accepting, and helpful. There are, of course, the exceptions to this rule, but I feel they make up a much smaller percentage of haters than what is present “in real life.”

Growing up, I always had many friends. I won’t say I was the most popular kid in school, but I had a lot of friends from a lot of different circles. I considered a few of these to be my best friends – we were inseparable, and I thought we would be lifelong pals. Friends meant the world to me. I never really had much in common with my family, and so I had put every ounce of effort and love into the relationships I had with friends.

Then, I came out of the closet. In January of 2011, I announced to the world that I, Dakota Martin, was gay. The response was very mixed. Most of my family was perfectly OK and generally supportive. An aunt and uncle disowned me, but I had never been very fond of them anyway. Most of my friends played the supportive friend role for awhile. I got many of these: “Well, I don’t agree with your choice, but I still love you.” That’s not true acceptance now is it? They continued to hang out with me every once in awhile until they realized that hanging out with my boyfriend and me would not get them any closer to a date with the opposite sex. That is when the phone calls, the text messages, and the invites stopped. Suddenly, the person to whom friends were everything was left nearly friendless.

I promise this has a purpose, and it is not to make you feel any pity for me. Compared to almost any other gay person I know, my experience has been a breeze.

What I am getting at is that, since I decided to get back into the gaming world, what I have found came as a great surprise. Living in Utah, I can’t be nearly as open as I would like to be about my sexuality. I tend to keep it to myself until directly confronted. I will not lie about who I am, but sometimes it’s just easier to keep to myself. However, I have found that this is not the case with gamers. They immediately accept me as just another gamer. I can post pictures of my boyfriend and me. I can tweet about the date we had last night, and I receive no judgment, no nods accompanied by a passive-aggressive look, no shocked expressions. I’m just me. And they accept that. And they support and encourage that. But they don’t even know me, so why are they so accepting? Because they are gamers. They are also plagued by a stereotype. In some small way, they must know what I and others have been through, and they celebrate difference because they have experienced these stories with people from all over the world. The internet has no boundaries, no end of possibilities, and that is why I choose to be a gamer.

Well, that was a very jumbled concoction of word vomit, but I think I managed to get my point across. But no great blog post comes without a call to action. So I shared my thoughts. Great, cool. What does that mean for you?

It means that next time you meet a gamer, don’t assume. Next time you meet a homosexual, a person from a specific background or race or creed or religion or whatever, don’t assume. Get to know people. Be as accepting as online gamers are, and I think you will find your soul enriched, your happiness increased, and your days fulfilled.

-TheKotaBear

A Warm Welcome

Hello all, and welcome to my first post on WordPress! I have tried maintaining blogs before, and all of them failed because the content that I wanted to share was either too personal for public places or my interest was short-lived in anything else. That said, I have been reading How to Write What You Want and Sell What You Write, by Skip Press. He mentions WordPress in almost every chapter so I thought I would check it out, try to get some of my writing out there for the world to see. At the very least, it will keep me writing until I can flesh out the details of the novel I want to write. Who knows what could come of it?

As far as content, my first real post will be about the idea that I randomly had for a novel. I’ll probably get that up later tonight actually. After that, there will probably be a series of posts for my sake fleshing out some details about the world I want to create–its history and that sort of thing. Please leave [constructive] comments if you feel so inclined. They are openly accepted. If you have ideas or things you think would be cool to include, I’ll definitely take those into consideration.

Also, considering my recent obsession with the impending release of Guild Wars 2, there might be a few posts dedicated to that.

I sincerely hope I can provide you with at least some degree of entertainment 🙂

TheKotaBear